Face to Face With My Own Bitterness

The Lord began dealing with my heart when I was about nine years old. I would go forward every now and then and talk to someone about salvation, but I never really got serious about it. When I was about 17 the Lord was beginning to show me that He was real and that this salvation through His Word was real. I knew how to get saved, I knew exactly what to do, but my pride kept me from bending my knee and asking the Lord to forgive me. I turned 18 and toward the end of June, I had a terrible nightmare. I saw Hell and the fire in it and I saw Satan and then I saw myself being tossed into Hell with many other of the unsaved in our church. Never before had I been able to see myself or anyone else I knew in a dream, but in this dream I saw myself distinctly, along with many others that I knew.

 

That dream scared me, but I didn't tell anyone about it. That is when the Lord showed me that heaven, hell, sin and salvation is a very real thing. This salvation is not something to be trifled with. He showed me that salvation is not something you can just blow off. On July 6, I went with the teens and singles of our church to summer camp. On the way to camp we crossed over a very long bridge. I was soooo afraid that we were going to fall into the water and I would die and go straight to Hell. But, we made it to camp safely though. The first day of that camp Pastor Shaffer told us that we need to pray and ask the Lord to take the wall down from around our hearts and for Him to really speak to us that week.

 

I realized then that I had never actually prayed that prayer before, so I sat down and seriously prayed that the Lord would take the wall down from around my heart and take the blinders from my eyes. I really wanted to come to that place of repentance and faith. God answered my prayer! The second night of camp, Pastor Sickmeyer preached on the eminence of Hell. You will never know how scared to death I was that night. We had a thunderstorm and I thought we were going to be blown right off the side of the cliff. I couldn't stand it any longer. Fear had quite a grip on me. I asked the Lord to really speak to me on the third day. Before the preaching started we sang and one of the songs we sang was "I'm saved and I know that I am" and I couldn't sing it. I felt like a hypocrite. Bro. Sickmeyer preached on bitterness that night and it rang a bell in my heart. At the invitation, he had all of us stand and asked for anyone who would like to speak to Pastor or Mrs. Shaffer, to come forward. I went forward and spoke to Mrs. Shaffer. I went in to talk to her about my bitterness and came out a saved individual! We began talking and I began to see that what I had been bitter about-- was all a lie that Satan and I had made up together. It wasn't even true and I had held on to that bitterness for almost 5 years! The Lord had just shot down my only reason not to get saved. But I still would not bow and ask the Lord to forgive me. then Mrs. Shaffer read Proverbs 6: 16-19 "These six things doth the Lord hate: yea seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, an heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."

 

After thinking about it, I realized that I was every single one of God's seven abominations! But my pride was still too big and Satan kept telling me this couldn't be real. Finally Mrs. Shaffer said to me, "You have the audacity to judge people who didn't even do anything to you, but you will not judge yourself enough and humble yourself enough, to get down on your knees and ask the Lord you have sinned against, to forgive you?" That was it! I couldn't take it any longer I humbled myself and got down on my knees and pleaded with the Lord to forgive me. I poured my heart out to the Lord. He gave me the faith I needed and he saved my soul that night. On July 8, 2009, the Lord Jesus Christ saved my soul and gave me a new life. To this day I still cannot understand how the Lord could love me so much. It is a miracle and I praise the Lord that He gave me that last chance. I gave my life to Him and I pray that it will be all about Him. I no longer want this life of mine to be about me and what I can do, because I can do nothing on my own.

 

May the Lord get the glory from this life of mine. I know that my life will not always be easy, but I also know that the Lord is mine and I am the Lord's. He can do with my life what He pleases and may the glory be His.