My Doubting Days are Over

Written By Jennifer Nemoseck

I was saved when I was nineteen years old after much personal struggle and two false professions. One of the hardest things I had to overcome was coming to the realization that I was lost and in need of Christ. You can’t get saved until you see that you are lost in your sin.

When I was six years old, I had made a “one, two, three, pray after me” profession of faith. This brought confusion into my life and I went on thinking I was saved until I was fourteen years old. Dr. Al Lacy came to preach at our church and I began to doubt that six year old profession. He was preaching a lot on hell and I was scared I might go there if I wasn’t saved. One night I talked to my mom after church and told her I was afraid I wasn’t saved. I didn’t really listen to what she was saying about salvation, repentance and faith because I felt I already knew all that. After all, I had the Romans Road memorized because I had witnessed to my friends before. I told my mom that I wanted to pray and get it taken care of. So…like a magic prayer, I prayed a “Lord, if I’m not really saved-please save me” kind of prayer and threw in that I was sorry for my sins. I had fixed the problem I thought! I even got baptized again. From time to time I was still confused about when I actually got saved and this continued for the next five years or so.  This kind of prayer really took no faith on my part.

When I was eighteen years old I began to doubt my salvation again. At that time I began to really search and examine myself and my previous professions. I slowly came to the conclusion that I was lost. What a revelation that was! Once I came to that conclusion and admitted it to myself, I then had another decision to make… What was I going to do about it? Once I realized I was truly lost I knew I could stop the “good two shoes act” because if I was not a true Christian why act like a saved person? Why did I need to keep on doing what was right anyway?

I struggled with these attitudes and many others as the months went by. It was a very hard year. My confusion got deeper. I wanted to get saved but at the same time I was enjoying my sin. I was not desperate yet. Somewhere along the way in my struggle, the Lord showed me that I really was a sinner.

I have had a verse hanging over my bed for years that held the truth to my struggle for salvation.

I Timothy 1:15 “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.”

I had memorized this verse and used to read it every night before I went to sleep. I cannot tell you why I had that verse hanging over my bed all those years, but God knew why it was there. The day I finally read and understood that I was the chiefest of sinners was a life altering moment. Now I had to decide if I really wanted to turn away from my sin that I had been enjoying. Satan tried even harder to bring in confusion and I would get frustrated because “I couldn’t get it right”. I didn’t realize it then but as I look back on it now, I can see that I hadn’t come to the end of myself. I wasn’t ready to turn from my sin and come to God on His terms. I was still trying to come to Him…my way. I was trying so hard to make sure I did everything just right so I wouldn’t make another false profession and all the time missing the main point! I am a sinner! I had to want salvation more than I wanted my sin!

Finally, on a Sunday in September “the light came on”. An illustration was given in the message of a limo that was broken down on a very busy freeway. A man stopped to help them and when he was done, the man in the limo asked him how he could repay him. The man replied, “All I ask is that you send my wife some flowers because tomorrow is our anniversary.” The man in the limo agreed and the next day the repairman’s wife got a beautiful bouquet of flowers. In the attached card was this message: “Happy Anniversary! P.S. I paid off your mortgage.”

That is what Christ did for us; he paid off our mortgage of sin. All you have to do is put your sin into a big, huge garbage bag and lay it at Jesus feet and leave it there, believing that He can save you all by Himself and with no help from you or anyone else.

I got saved that Sunday. Nothing was holding me back and I was finally at the end of me. I haven’t been perfect but my desire since that day has been to please the Lord. I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a born again, child of God. I have a peace and joy that I never had before salvation.

What a wonderful thing to know that you’re saved!